Metaphors and similes in fiction
"Her heart pounded like a drum." A simile like that isn't wrong, but it doesn't make anyone see anything: readers have met it a hundred times and their minds skip it. At the other extreme, prose where every sentence holds an elaborate image is tiring and distracting. Figures of speech in fiction are a powerful tool, and for exactly that reason they need careful dosing.
What they're for
A successful metaphor or simile does two things at once: it makes us see something precisely and says something about the person looking. "The waiting room had all the cheer of a switched-off aquarium" describes the light, the silence, the stillness, and also the mood of whoever is observing it.
If an image adds neither precision nor meaning, it's decoration.
The enemy: cliché
Worn-out images no longer evoke anything: white as snow, cold as ice, eyes like stars, tears like pearls. Readers recognise them and don't see them.
One way out is to ask how this character would say it, in this situation. A mechanic, a nurse, a seven-year-old wouldn't compare the same thing to the same images.
The image comes from point of view
The most effective figures of speech come from the world of the character narrating. A farmer looking at the sky before a storm might see it "the colour of rotting wheat"; a pilot would see it differently. When the image fits whoever is looking, it strengthens the voice; when it's the author's brilliant image put in the mouth of a character who'd never have thought it, it jars.
Mixed metaphors
A common mistake is combining two incompatible images in the same sentence: "The project was a ship taking flight". Ship and flight collide, and instead of seeing, the reader stops to wonder what's happening. If you use a metaphor, carry it through consistently, or close it before opening another.
How many, and where
There's no numerical rule, but some principles help:
- fewer during action: in the middle of a fast scene, an elaborate image slows things down;
- more in moments of suspension: description, reflection and waiting can hold a strong image;
- never in a row: three similes one after another cancel each other out;
- one strong image beats three decent ones.
Simile or metaphor?
A simile states the comparison ("like", "as"); a metaphor implies it. Metaphor is more compact and bolder; simile is clearer and softer. Neither is superior: the choice depends on the rhythm of the sentence and how unusual the image is. The more unexpected it is, the more a simile helps readers follow it.
In revision
When rereading, underline all the figures of speech in a chapter and ask of each one: would I see it if I read it in someone else's book? Does it tell me something new? Would the character think it? Those that fail the three questions can usually go without losing anything, and the prose becomes clearer.
Frequently asked questions
Is prose without metaphors poor?
No. Many authors write sparely, with very few figures of speech, and achieve great force. The quality of prose lies in precision, not in the number of images.
Can I use a cliché on purpose?
Yes, if a character uses it, perhaps in dialogue, and it says something about them. A cliché from a banal character characterises them; in the narrator's voice it weighs down the prose.
How do I find original images?
By looking at things with concrete attention: what the light, sound or texture is really like. New images come from precise observation, not from straining to be original at all costs.